April 2019 – 8 months since Mark’s passing/ My 40th and 1st Birthday and 1st Easter without my beloved soulmate..
Lean on Me
When you’re not Strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
Till I’m gonna need somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
if I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill
Those of your needs that you won’t let show.
Month 8.
I sit out on the porch with the sun setting and reflect on the last few weeks.
.
My 40th birthday and my first birthday without Mark, my first birthday where I didn’t have Mark post a public declaration of his love for me.
This may not seem like a big deal.
Do I need that for my self esteem? NO.
But… it was tradition.. And it made my heart pitter patter.
We are creatures of habit and to have that habit interrupted…..well, it was noticed.. Mark was so good with words and it always felt… just right…
selah
.
Lean on Me
You just call on me when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Lean on Me
When you’re not strong
And I’ll help you carry on…
.
Easter
Our family’s 1st easter without Mark.
Mark, the solid foundation of our family.
Teacher of the Bible and the story and history Teacher of Easter.
Mark, the calm amongst the storm.
Mark….He is missed.. So missed.
.
Lean on Me
For it won’t be long
Till I’m gonna need somebody to lean on
You just call on me
When you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on.
.
I have a story.
I have pain.
We all have a story.
We have or have had pain.
.
We have all felt alone at some point in life.
.
What ultimately made it, not so painful?
.
What ultimately made it, not so lonely?
.
For me…
It was friends.
It was family.
It was having a hand to hold.
.
For my 40th birthday, I was showered with..
Love.
Edifying words.
Hugs.
Meaningful gifts.
Smiles.
Playfulness.
.
All from friends and family that made life feel like home.
All from those who let me lean on them.
.
Lean on Me
If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me
.
What do we ultimately long for when going through life?
And sometimes when life throws us curve balls?
Or Pain?
.
A SAFE PLACE.
.
A safe place to share.
A safe place to be heard.
A safe place to genuinely feel loved.
To feel understood.
To just BE.
But, more than to just BE….
To become who we are created to be amongst it ALL.
.
I absolutely don’t like that Mark was taken from this earth and from our family.
I don’t like the physical pain that it brings my body.
I don’t like the new chaos that enters our home.
.
But.
.
What I do like is..
The Woman that I am stepping into WHO
I was CREATED to be amongst it ALL.
.
It is not for me to question WHY.
BUT..
For me to step into my role NOW after it ALL and amongst it ALL.
.
Call me
If you need a friend
Call me (Call me)
If you need a friend.
Call me
Call me
Call me
..
The importance of friends and family throughout life has been so powerful for me.
.
My heart runs deep for YOU.
.
We have a story.
You have a story.
And we can become very powerful united and knitted together.
.
.
****With Brave Wings She Flies****
I continue to fly amongst the chaos…
Amongst the imperfections of life..
And sometimes I get the wind knocked out of me.
But, I continue to get up…
To rise up above so that you too, may see that you can rise with me.
.
-Shanny
